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Winter: The Bane of Socks

I’ve come to the conclusion that Winter’s grand scheme in life is to mess with our feet and minds.  Let me throw this example at you. 

If snow falls for you during Winter, odds are you have something protecting your floor.  Wood, tile, carpeting, all of it would get messed up by the icy melting waters of frozen liquids, so wanting to preserve their shelf life, I’d think it is safe to assume you protect it with a mat or something similar.  Now if you enter your house, boots and the like covered in frost, you’ll probably dust them off on that mat and place shoes on another spot or maybe a side section designated just for wet shoes.  Everyone does it differently, but it all saves the floor (of whatever various materials) beneath.

You enter the house, stomp off the frozen ick, and place shoes wherever they go.  Generally it is cold and either drafts or lower levels of the house will almost require socks to be worn, or kept on in said case of re-entering the house.  And this is where Winter has you; firmly clutched in its icy, cold-as-death-like grasp.

Once those socks are on, odds are they will stay on for the rest of the day, possibly the rest of the season.  Just making it past the mat you shook the snow off of and not stepping into a puddle is deceptively difficult enough.


But now you have company at the door.

And that door must be opened.

Completely forgetting about the shoe-dusting ceremony previously you jog towards the door, possibly shoving the overly excited family pet out-of-the-way, and firmly place the center of your foot into a frozen blot of water large enough and cold enough to ice fish an abundant dinner for a small Alaskan village.

If you did not wear the sock you could wipe off the water no harm, no foul.  Now that it is on, it is not only as frigid as the temperatures outside, but it is also clinging to your skin like a nagging mall kiosk vendor.  No madam, I do not wish to smell your perfume, sign your petition, fill out your survey, or care to touch this supposedly super soft fabric.  Thank-you.

And that’s what winter is all about, Charlie Brown.

4 responses »

  1. Yes, Florida sucks. It’s hot, muggy, and for the majority of the year I feel like I’m wading through soup. Thankfully, we don’t have snow, sleet, ice, or any of the other hazards you northern bastards contend with annually. We don’t have a “Winter Wonderland,” but we also don’t put on three layers of clothing every morning.

    Unfortunately it’s been unusually frigid here lately, with nightly lows rivaling those in NYC, forcing me to layer clothing in an atypical fashion. However, our uncannily alcoholic meteorologists claim warm weather is coming again. Hallelujah! Louez le Seigneur! I’d rather deal with swampy weather, record warping heat, and higher summer air conditioning bills in exchange for a tepid winter. There are a few moments each winter (especially Christmas) when I wish for snow and warm clothing, but waking up every morning, putting on simple clothes and possibly a hoodie, is worth it. I’ll damn the hurricanes, the zealous Christians, and minimum of four hours to vacate the state, but I’ll praise the lack of snow and freezing temperatures. =)

    Also, didn’t Atkins die because he slipped on a frozen sidewalk? That won’t happen in the dreaded Sunshine State.

    • My cousin insists Atkins died because he followed his own dietary advice.

      “But dude, he slipped and fell! It didn’t have anything to do with that!”

      “Well…maybe if he ate right he wouldn’t have died in the first place. Just sayin’!”

      I’ve been to Florida twice, and only old enough to remember it once. Disney World. Rained like the bejesus when we first got there though. Running to through the parking lot of the hotel or whatever we were at looked like hundred of garden hoses just pouring water all over the place. Was loud upon the roof from what I recon. First time I saw an ice machine as well.

      My uncle lives in Florida so I hear about their weather fairly often. Of course it is usually a “Ooo, it’s 75 here today. I might have to put on a sweater hee hee hee” sort of jib when it’s below freezing for us. I still think one of the greatest things I’ve heard from the Weather channel was the local on the eights voice say “Today. Abundant sunshine. High 17.”

      And I agree that snow does make the Christmas season a lot more fulfilling. Had a few Christmas’ that was slightly raining because it was too warm and green grass. Nothing against you ‘southern bastards’ (:P) but I prefer my seasons to stay the way they are supposed to based on my location. And north = snow. I vants me snow!

  2. I can’t help believing the Atkins Diet is a load of crap. Eating nothing but meat might help somebody lose weight but it’ll destroy somebody’s cholesterol and leads to heart disease. I’m not a vegetarian but I eat vegetarian on a regular basis and it’s really helped my health.

    On a side note, the Christmas episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia is amazing. I’m watching it right now and it’s killing my concentration. =)
    I’m not a Southerner by any means (growing up in Miami) and don’t really identify with Southern values. I think the “heritage, not hate” argument is asinine and the only thing I believe makes me Southern is geographic location. Where I live now is more like the South than Miami, but it’s nothing like Alabama or the Carolinas, which are a nation onto themselves. I’m thankful every day I don’t like in the “real South.” The only good thing about living in this region is the winter weather, which is usually amazing. Lately it’s been ridiculously cold but that’s ending tomorrow and it’ll be around 70 degrees for the next few weeks.

    I’d live up north but I’d have to move during summer or fall so I can acclimate myself to the cold weather. I’d also need warmer clothing since I don’t have any. My girlfriend thinks Chicago is a great destination and I’m into the idea but need to adjust or I’ll die. I’ve had too many warm winters. =)

    • Haha, Chicago ain’t bad, bud. You’d adjust in just about a week, tops. It’s similar to not wanting to get out of a comfy and warm bed because it’s chilly outside of the covers. (Or perhaps for you, adjusting to the ocean/pools temperature and not wanting to jump out as it feels colder ‘out there.’) The idea of the chilly temperature is more mental than physical. Heck, anything over seventy for me is beyond hot but after a few days of 85s 70s seem pretty nice. Till we dip down to low sixties so mother nature can mess with our sensations and brainz!

      Atkins is the poor person’s way to get a gastro surgery, in my opinion. The idea of it is solid, carbs = slow burning and are constantly found in junk food. But eating only meat is, as you said, not the best for the body. If someone is massively over weight I’d actually recommend them going on Atkins as it works fairly quickly, and the ‘damage’ they’d get from temporarily eating meat-heavy would vastly out weight the long term effects of staying that over weight in the first place.

      My issue is that it worked to help me dump like 20ish pounds years back, but they have come back. I know Atkins works, so now I am still slacking the breads and junk, but trying to fill in the blanks as healthily as I can. Slicing up an apple and putting fair portions of peanut butter on it as a snack is decent filler, for example. I’ve dabbled in using soy flour and splenda to make no carb baked goods (Stella Style got me started on that) but only really got around to doing it a handful of times. Plus the pancakes I’d make I had to baste in butter to add any flavor, and you are right back at the ‘lose weight, but not really healthy…’ process I was trying to avoid.

      But! Tests shown that people that gorge on red meat do kick a bit sooner than average, but they still outlast vegetarian only peeps! You are probably doing the best of both though. Mostly health food, but still enough protein to avoid the ‘gangly vegan’ look.


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